Top 5 Ways to Get Your Loaf on during A Polar Vortex
Hopefully, you loafers are keeping warm during these “frozen times”. Due to the current icy situation, we thought it proper to impart some loafing expertise on your shivering selves. Below you’ll find some tips on how to “Get Your Loaf On” during these trying times.
Editor’s note: As much as we attempt to keep all of our articles at a PG-13 rating, this one contains some information that some might deem explicit. We apologize in advance.
- Learn to Break Dance via lessons on Youtube: Nothing keeps you warm like movement and there is no movement like break dancing. Not only are you keeping warm and learning a vital street survival skill (no one likes getting served on their way to Dunkin Donuts), it’s a great way to exercise and get that bod ready for summer.
- Get Bizzee with your significant other: Nothing says I really do love you like getting naked and rubbing your frigid business against your honey’s. Let’s face it, playing a little game of “hide the business” is an activity that can be enjoyed anytime of year, but we thought we’d throw it in here just for the friction value. By the way, if you don’t have a significant other, then you can have fun minding your own “business.” Be sure to keep your business to yourselves and don’t do anything crazy like taking your business outside…in the snow…for the neighbors to see unless, of course, that’s what you’re in to.
- Drink Hard Liquor Until You Pass out on the Toilet:Hey, isn’t it the St. Bernard that brings whiskey to forlorn folks trapped in the snow? Same principle without going outside, getting licked by a huge ass dog and getting frost bite…with the added benefit of passing out on the toilet
- Catch Up on all the Articles You May Have Missed on LazyLoafer.com: Did you know that not all of our articles are silly and irreverent? We have a plethora of travel and leisure related content on our site. Some of the articles include tips about Pompano fishing, the coolest things to do in Savannah Georgia, destinations for mountain biking, the hottest European destinations, and much more. If you haven’t, you owe it to yourself to check it out…especially since you’re snowed in.
- Check on Your Friends and Family: Yeah, we know…not really a loafing related activity, but hey, how much fun would loafing be without the ones we love? When it’s as cold as it has been lately, it’s probably a good idea to make sure that your loved ones are safe and sound. So, give em a call or stop by if it’s safe to do so…who knows, they may be using suggestion number 3…or even better, taking care of business.