Readers’ Resolutions: Dear Loafers New Years Edition
Many of our readers decided to send us their New Year’s resolutions. We’re not sure why, because we never asked them to. After all, most resolutions are usually pretty boring—go on a diet, stop smoking, join a gym, etc.—and most of the ones we got were no more interesting than that. But there were a few exceptions, so we decided to share the good ones with you.
I resolve to stop doing what the voices tell me and stay on my meds.
Billy W., San Francisco, CA
Editor’s Note: Hopefully Billy also resolved to stay away from the LazyLoafer offices.
My resolution is to stop trying to freak out wrong numbers and telemarketers.
Robert C., Pittsburgh, PA
Editor’s Note: We’ve asked Robert to share his techniques. This could be fun.
I figure I’m gonna finally get my sister’s old tractor down outta that tree.
Ricky G., Crabboat Key, FL
Editor’s Note: Ricky is rapidly becoming one of our favorite letter writers. Check out the first one he ever sent us here.
I resolve to stop shoplifting so my stupid husband will stop bugging me about it. It’s not like I need the stuff. I just enjoy the thrill.
I’m resolving to not complain when my girlfriend orders chick flicks. I’ll just sit quietly and pretend to like it. If she weren’t so hot, though…
Jerry S., Boulder, CO
Editor’s Note: Because lack of communication and bottled-up feelings are the keys to succesful, strictly-physical relationships.
My resolution is to get my ex-wife back, no matter what it takes.
Carlos S., Santa Fe, NM
Editor’s Note: Carlos, you might want to think about breaking this one sooner rather than later. Are you familiar with the phrase “restraining order?”
Hope you enjoyed them and, as for us, we resolve to bring our readers interesting, entertaining and informative articles and videos about places, activities and anything else that strikes our fancy so we can all loaf as lazy as possible whether on vacation, traveling for business or just hanging around the old homestead. Also to avoid run-on sentences. Here’s to a great 2014 for all of us.
The Lazy Loafer Staff